Innovative stupid warning signs

You're probably familiar with some of the stupid warnings that circulate on the World Wide Web:

• Clothes iron: "Never iron clothes on the body";
• Coffee cup: "Contents may be hot";
• Superman costume: "Cape does not enable wearer to fly";
• Sleep medication: "May cause drowsiness";
• Knife: "Keep out of children";
• etc.

Here in Canada, we recognize the wisdom of stupid warning signs. In fact, we have begun to get quite innovative in this field of human endeavor. For example, this sign is posted just a few minutes' walk from my house:

Dangerous Dock


"Use the dock at your own risk". You're probably picturing a huge dock that extends far out into the water, or one surrounded by aggressive sharks, or one that is frequented by drug smugglers. But actually it is located at the shoreline of an idyllic river:


Ooh, very scary.

If you're anxious for the woman who foolishly ventured out onto the dock, rest easy. Immediately after taking the photograph, I sprinted onto the dock, threw my arms around her, and dragged her to safety.

(Heroism is hard work, but I'm up for it.)

Here is another innovative stupid warning sign:

Hazardous High Hoe


It's like this. The construction company is aware that not every driver will notice the large, brightly-coloured object that completely obstructs the left-hand side of the road. Such drivers will, however, take note of the arrow sign and veer safely to the right.

Another example:

Perilous Post


Note the miniature pylon. (I'm not sure it's big enough to do the job, but let's not quibble.) It warns cyclists, do not attempt to cycle directly over the concrete post. Ottawa has many kilometers of bicycle paths like this one, so the potential number of injuries prevented is considerable.

And this is merely phase one of the project. In phase two, the municipality will place a flashing light on top of the pylon.

(Someone has stolen the pylon from the concrete post in the background. Canadians do not usually show such reckless disregard for the welfare of others.)

Next:

Risky Rocks, or Rapids, or something


It's not often you see a "danger" sign in the water. Its significance is not immediately clear. It could mean:

• shallow water — do not dive;
• rapids — unsafe boating conditions;
• polluted water — do not drink;
• piranha — no swimming;
• etc.

The sign is regrettably ambiguous, but still — full marks for thinking outside the box.

But this one doesn't quite work for me:

Precarious Crossing


It seems to mean, do not attempt to cross the canal on foot. Note there is a minimum $75 fine for disregarding the sign.

Again, a creative concept, but I dunno. I think it will be found to violate Canadians' constitutional right to freedom of religion.

Finally:

Beware the Babe!


I've thought it over, and the dock doesn't constitute much of a threat. But the woman? — she should be marked with a DANGER sign.