Cuddle parties

What's a cuddle party, you ask? Let's start with the fact that it's strictly non-sexual. The Globe and Mail recently assigned a crack investigative journalist to infiltrate one such party:

Loving Spoonfuls

August 6, 2005
by Mike Miner

Cuddle parties are exactly what they sound like. Men and women just like you or me, heading out for an evening of pyjama-clad embraces with whoever needs a hug.

The result looks like a rewriting of a Roman orgy for the purpose of teaching boundaries and manners to preschoolers. It's adults lounging across pillows and each other, but it's all please and thank you.

And it's raising equal parts contempt and fascination from L.A. to the U.K. In The Times of London, columnist Julie Burchill called it "a hideous American invention," saying the "set-up allows affluent Americans to pay $30 each to some sort of prissy procurer in order to use their apartment for a three-hour, strictly non-sexual grope-fest.

Oops, let's pause for a moment. Note the price tag: $30/hour. And note that most of these people are strangers to one another:  they pay a "procurer" to assemble the requisite number of people. I imagine most of them arrive with a friend, but everyone else in the room will be a first-time acquaintance.

[Source for the photo, where you can read another report of the phenomenon.]

The rules are laid out at length at the beginning of each three-hour snuggle session. You must ask and receive permission before even the slightest contact. From there, it moves into more complex issues like hygiene (a must) and dry humping (verboten). Giggling and crying are encouraged, and consensual smooching is fine.

"The rules are worth going over because they work," says Cecilia Moorcroft, a Toronto-based cuddle party facilitator. "Everybody knows what goes and what doesn't. And this creates the safe environment we want."

There's no hard and fast rule about erections. According to cuddle party philosophy, erections just happen and aren't unusual in a cuddling situation. Just ignore it, no dry humping, and it will go away eventually. This was gone over at length at the party Moorcroft held last week, which was a special treat for me, the only man in the room.

What's that? The Globe and Mail reporter was the only man in the room?! I wonder whether this is typical. Does the cuddle-party concept appeal primarily to women? (The article doesn't say.)

Doesn't that make it soft-core homoeroticism? Not that I care one way or the other; it's just that I assume the majority of these women are heterosexual outside of the cuddle party context.

So maybe the participants aren't after a sexual experience, merely a sensual one. The coordinator of the Toronto party places the emphasis on affection:

Moorcroft attended her first cuddle party in New York, after seeing an item on TV. "It spoke to what I'd already been feeling, which was a lack of affection."

She was initially "terrified," she says. "Most of my concerns are fairly typical cuddle party worries. What if nobody wants to cuddle with me? What if only ugly people show up?"

But the experience met her expectations. "When I first lay down to cuddle with somebody, my body let out this sigh. I left feeling totally blissed out. I've never been that high."

She signed up for a training course in Los Angeles, went back for more in Alabama, and returned to Canada a certified cuddle party facilitator.

The phrase "certified cuddle party facilitator" sounds silly, but I imagine the training is a good idea. It must require some skill to manage the group dynamics, especially if some of the participants start to get carried away.

Some parties throw stuffed toys or musical instruments into the mix. But at last week's party, it was mostly small talk and spooning. Everyone had a chance to set their boundaries. One woman didn't want to be touched on her ears and feet, because that was strictly the domain of her significant other. Others patrolled the perimeter and dove in only occasionally. …

The evening wrapped up with a puppy pile, where all the attendees stack on top of one another. My friend and I made our exit before that could happen, but the others were beaming and clearly in their element.

I suppose this is just another fad that will quickly run its course. But I wonder whether it responds to a legitimate need in our society.

In the West, where individual autonomy is a core value, we're more isolated than human beings have ever been in history. And I think our isolation is exacerbated by technology. We bloggers appreciate the interaction we have with one another, but of course it's a poor substitute for face to face — or body to body — contact.

When Ms. Moorcroft speaks of a lack of affection, that's what I hear. I have also heard the phrase, "skin hunger", in reference to someone who had gone too long without being touched.

(Guess what sex the person was. A guy wouldn't have said, "skin hunger", he would have just said "horny". But I think guys experience skin hunger too, even if they fail to distinguish it from the other.)

What do you think? Is there any merit in the cuddle party concept? If "it's raising equal parts contempt and fascination", which camp are you in?